Have the security break-ins at Heartland, TJX and twitter got you in the doldrums?
Has the pre inauguration high dwindled into a post event reality of getting back to work?
Cold weather, gas prices, home sales, Bernie Maddoff - it's nothing but bad news.

I have the answer for you; start planning for your own security break in today.

Stop focusing your attention on the news.
Stop hoping for a rosy future.
Go back to your office and work on something productive.
Develop your company's strategic vision to accepting the inevitable data breach and make yourself the next hero.

Not interested, not convinced, don't know where to start?

Consider this, Privacy Rights ClearingHouse, an independent non-profit, says that 251 million data records of US residents having been exposed due to security breaches since January 2005. That's over 80% of the US population in the last three years. It's certain your personal records have been compromised. If your business hasn't been breached, it won't be long.

Enjoy receiving new credit cards every week?
Enjoy receiving free credit monitoring?
Feel like a high roller receiving every phish, virus and credit card application available?

Do your part to stimulate the bank economy.

Today only, you can receive my 5 award winning steps to tackling those doldrums and launch yourself into a world of high stakes visionaries.

Grab a pen and paper, and I will share with you my exclusive, secret, step-by-step program to accepting your own data breach. With these 5 simple steps, you will look like the most visionary person in business.
Join the ranks of the most discussed companies in news outlets everywhere. Soon enough, your company will have its own Facebook page and blogs everywhere will be filled with discourse on your company policy and tactics. Your company name will jump to the top on Google searches.

5 Step Data Breach Readiness Program

Step 1. Buy your employees credit monitoring now. Sell it as a perk. Have HR include it in their benefit handouts. Retail price for a year of credit monitoring is less than $200. Compare that $200 with some other perks like childcare, training or hybrid car credits and executives will find it a good value for both company and employee.

Step 2. Since you never know when disaster might strike, you can offset your liability now with a cyber insurance policy. Buy security insurance and make your executives' offshore shill company the beneficiary. Protect your bottom line and invest in your future simultaneously. Having a good insurance policy may also permit you to relax your IT security budget. Your over -caffeinated IT guys are full of it anyway. They don't need new tools or education. Accept the inevitability of a breach allows you to shift today's dollars into profit centers that will shore up those bad investments you made last year.

Step 3. Admit failure before it happens. Change your company wide privacy policy to openly discuss the real possibility of failure. While your public face says you are doing your best to protect the company assets and the private data of employees, provide an internal honesty statement: "We know you are required to provide us with your private information and we will try to keep it secure, but there will probably be time in the future that your data is accidentally lost or stolen."

Step 4. Develop a security failure crisis communications strategy now. Those silly IT incident plans include pages of technical jargon, why not have the PR team develop their own nonsensical apologetic statements ahead of time? While you are at it, offer a prepaid bonus to a lower level employee for taking the fall when that security incident happens. When the time comes, make sure news cameras tape them walking out of the office with a box of personal possessions and their head covered with a jacket.

Step 5. Embrace the foreign fiend. All security breaches at good hard-working American companies should be blamed on some imaginary hacker from a foreign country. East Asia and Eastern European countries are the most fashionable at the moment. Be smart and go with the flow, but be sure your selected country that has no extradition agreement with the US.

For today only, I am offering you a generous gift of the sixth secret step to my complete package guaranteed to bring you peaceful nights and worry free days.

Step 6. Register your breach domain now. 2008breach.com was snapped up in a hurry. Grab yours now before some cyber-squatter cyber criminal tries to claim your future.

For my complete list and full step-by-step program to ensure total peace of mind, please follow these simple directions.

Send copies of all your credit cards, social security card and drivers license to:

I Want to Live in Infamy
55 No Place St.
Some Town, USA

Or call now, 1 800-Data-Breach! Operators are standing by!